My Very Own Temperaments

2011-05-13T00:29:00.000+08:00

I realised one thing today. Regardless how much I refrain myself from having feelings for someone, if it's bound to happen, it'll happen and there's nothing you can do about it.

2011-05-11T03:12:00.001+08:00

Just wrote like a really long post on my private blog about a childhood jackass. Hmm.. Men are just annoying man seriously. Anyway, Happy Birthday to Ganesh..!

2011-03-13T01:26:00.001+08:00

Bloggy, I am so stressed out.. I can't seem to concentrate on my assignments. There are so many! I don't even know where to start. I don't seem to have time for both school and work. God, I know you love me and will guide me.. I wanna do my honours (if possible, first class).. I love you too.

2011-03-07T00:22:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog,
Do not think that I have neglected you over the past year.
I love you and I need you in my life.
I will try to update you more often.
I am sorry.
Love, Rubenna.

2011-01-29T00:49:00.001+08:00

Haha.. Ages since my last post. Got lazy blogging as usual. Just like what happened to my previous blog, the one that I created after my O'levels. Gone. Anyway, some updates. Got myself an Apple notebook, a Macbook Pro 13". Loving it. Got myself some replica Louis Vuitton Damier Azurs. An Eva Clutch, a Neverfull MM, a Key-pouch and a Sarah Wallet. Got 2 new pairs of Pierre Cardin push-up lingerie and an exquisite set of Russian diamond ring, ear studs and pendant from Heart to Heart Jewelry. Also got myself a really expensive dress. But its beautiful.. Unfortunately, now I'm trying to figure where can I wear it to since it doesn't really fit in any hangout category. I'm kinda frustrated over the fact that I overspent my salary today. The truth is, I just got my pay today and already spent three quarter of it. And I was supposed to buy tops and stationary for school. And no, I didn't spend a cent on what I needed most. I've got to totally get rid of this addiction. Someone has to stop me. God has to stop me.. He's the only one who can. I'm afraid I might go out of control. Its freaking me out. DAMN...

2010-06-12T02:30:00.002+08:00

Ok. I'm using my Blackberry for this post.. Yeah, I guess its been a long time since my last entry. Well, I posted one on May 15 which I had to delete thanks to Ganesh.. Nevermind. Damn, blogging on my Blackberry ain't easy. I don't understand why people have to be so F.. Ok, I'm kinda frustrated right now and I wanna sleep.

2009-12-30T00:28:00.003+08:00

don't you hate it when you wait for so long and this happens? lol.

its been so long since i've made a blog entry. have my reasons though.. things have changed. now i'm totally immersed in the world of nursing (and something else) that i don't have time for anything else. anyway, i had my chicken pox and hepatitis B vaccine today. one on each arm. it still hurts.. i don't mind injecting others but i hate receiving one myself. it sucks..

2009-10-26T00:42:00.002+08:00

there's nothing wrong in converting to a different religion if you truly have faith in it. but converting to a different religion for love or marriage is more than just stupidity..

2009-10-09T23:05:00.007+08:00

you know.. i try not to blog about the screwed up side of my life too much. but people wanna read about it. so here it is:

`i lost a really great guy because of my fickle mind..
`its been two months and i haven't gotten my attachment allowance..
`i'm starting work on monday and i'm suffering from a nervous breakdown..
`my bro is still smoking regardless of the risk that he may have to go for another brain surgery not too far from now..
`my father is crazy and i want him out of my life asap..
`a bunch of strange guys who don't even know me say i've got an attitude problem..
`my mum is getting old and its really freaking me out..
`my family doesn't look like its having an financial problems, but they ain't that far from having one either..
`i want to do my degree asap, but i guess i don't have a choice but to wait till next year..
`i'm desperate to find more truths about god..
`and lastly, i have no idea what exactly do i want in life..

i'm sure there's more, but this is all i can recall for now. lol.

2009-10-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

hmm.. i baked macaroni and cheese for the very first time today. it was a disaster. lol.. ok not really. i just added a little more margarine than supposed to.. the point is, macaroni and cheese sucks!! i don't get how is that dish so popular in america. the taste is so bland.. it was only worth eating with chili sauce.. so if you ever wanna try macaroni and cheese, always have chili sauce on standby!

well, i was researching about the 'aurora borealis' also know as the 'northern polar lights' and the 'aurora australis' also known as the 'southern polar lights'. the 'aurora borealis' can be found in the arctic islands of northern Canada and the 'aurora australis' can be found in the continents such as Antarctica, South America and Australasia. the formation of these auroras are complex involving the ionosphere and the magnetism of the poles.. still don't know what on earth im talking about? check out the beautiful and astonishing photos below.

Aurora Borealis

Aurora Australis

i dream of seeing one myself. and i will, some day..

2009-10-05T21:55:00.005+08:00

i made these pineapple tarts and more all on my own. don't they look awesome? they taste great too!

2009-10-01T22:30:00.004+08:00

i don't know if all of you have heard of this movie. The Notebook. it was released in june 2004. this is the best movie under the romance genre i've ever watched! wait, this is the best movie i've really ever watched!! (followed by Brokeback Mountain) i've watched it so many times and i never got sick of it. but that's just me. even so, if any women watches this movie and not love it, i seriously doubt that she's even human.. i don't expect men to love this movie. but if he doesn't at least like it, he's certainly not even worth being born.

2009-09-28T23:12:00.005+08:00

i used to sing this song to the first guy i ever had a crush on back in sec 1. he never realized that i was singing it to him though. haha.. thank god! it would have been pretty lame if he knew. well, the crush lasted for 4 freaking years till i graduated in sec 4. from the minute i saw him in class on my first day of school till our prom night after o levels... each time i saw him, i'd try to run away, my heart rate would increase or i'd just stop breathing. lol, it was one major crush i'd never forget! he was an adorable malay guy named Mohammad Amin B So Aini.

2009-09-27T00:12:00.009+08:00

i got a ticket to catch the 2009 singapore grand prix. unfortunately, i hate any kinda sports besides fishing. so i gave the ticket to my bro.. he's a F1 fanatic. he's just so lucky to have a sister like me. lol

well, did i mention that i kinda broke my mobile phone about a week ago? was on the phone with someone, got pissed and threw my phone against the wall. anyway, my dad bought me a sony ericsson w302. its pretty cool, in sparkling white. but its just temporary, till i get my first pay. damn, this pic reminds me of Reva. and look at my hair!

2009-09-25T00:46:00.008+08:00

i'm so god damn pissed. there seem to be never-ending problems in my life.. seriously, what the hell is the problem with people these days? they just can't keep their mouth shut and mind their own business. ahh.. f' it.

2009-09-22T22:07:00.005+08:00

i'm proud of me. i deactivated my facebook account. i destroyed my precious phone on purpose. i'm appearing offline on MSN most of the time. and i'm emo-ing a lot. therefore, i'm pretty much isolating myself from this screwed up world. haha.. what can i say? i'm legen...~wait for it~...dary!

all i can say to that someone who reads my entries is that there's only one thing that can heal a broken heart, and that's time. this applies to me too sweetheart. good night.

2009-09-21T23:01:00.002+08:00

i love birthday cakes. but BIRTHDAYS ARE STUPID!

2009-09-19T01:52:00.005+08:00

'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' is coming out in november and i can't wait! it better be as good as the first movie or Chris Weitz is so dead!!

Gossip Girl and 90210 are back for a new season.. so catching up on those. and i'm already at season 3 for How I Met Your Mother.. watched 1/3 of Passion of Christ. shall catch up on that soon.. wanted to watch a bunch of movies that were released in the theatre recently, but never really got the time. interested in the new series called The Vampire Diaries. haven't started watching though.. still endlessly waiting for a new season of Dirty Sexy Money and Desperate Housewives. well, that's all on my media update!

2009-09-19T01:33:00.012+08:00

raja baptized and is now a christian! he used to be muslim (which means its ILLEGAL!), for those who don't know. and he's attached to a girl named sangeetha! and now has become good friends with ganesh! (i haven't recovered from the shock yet) and now he's trying to spread the word of Jesus to everyone he loves. and he bought me the Bible.. its totally cool with the denim material and all.. but i'm agnostic and i have lots of questions relating to life and death. well, i've started reading it but its gonna take more than a Bible to convince me!

i'm running out of hand sanitizer! must get more at kiddy palace.. well, this is the only hand sanitizer i know of that actually smells nice.

2009-09-19T01:06:00.009+08:00

went for Nisha's 21st birthday last saturday. it was really grand and fun.. held at The Zes, Chevrons. and Nisha obviously outshined everyone! she looked splendid in both the saree and gown.. haiz, too bad i didn't get to take a pic with her.

well, i got back home at 2am and there was a whole other drama going on. my cousins came to stay over at my place for the first time in my whole life and i wasn't there. my bro almost punched my dad cause that old hag aggressively pushed my mum.. in front of my cousins! and yeah, i came back at 2am and so my parents were shouting at me.. but that was expected. lol. but it was an awesome day cause of a whole other reason which i'll only mention in my private blog..

2009-09-11T02:34:00.012+08:00

my bro uploaded this on his blog! haha!! its indeed a very memorable day. 11 09 01. well, happy birthday to my dearest cousin Ranjini Devi!

2009-09-07T00:54:00.001+08:00

I'm not an Atheist, I'm just Agnostic..

2009-09-06T02:09:00.001+08:00

I HAVE DISCOVERED THE VEGETARIAN FOOD PYRAMID!

2009-09-06T01:43:00.007+08:00

pictures taken at Vidhya's surprise 21st birthday party. there was another pic with priscilla and me in it.. but she'd kill me if i uploaded it. haha..

found out that nadesh doesn't like me. he deleted me from his friends' list on facebook.. and i was dumb enough to add him again only to realize he rejected my request. WTF.. that dude doesn't even know me. how can anyone who doesn't know me, hate me? lol.. whatever.

2009-09-03T18:48:00.009+08:00

my brother the day after his brain surgery. looking funny with his right-sided swollen face..

2009-09-01T22:54:00.002+08:00

i have sinned again. haha.. hell awaits me.

2009-08-21T20:49:00.005+08:00

it breaks my heart to leave you.. but i know that i've got to do this and this is what i want. i'm sorry..

2009-08-17T15:39:00.006+08:00

i'm having this crazy urge to donate blood. the last time i donated blood was 6 months ago. but now that i'm vegetarian (= low Hb) and below 50kg, chances are that they won't allow me to donate. damn..

2009-08-16T18:56:00.003+08:00

i've permed my hair! i did it yesterday. but i got home and combed my hair and all the curls vanished. my mum got a shock and called the hairstylist. she screwed her up and the lady asked me to come back to the salon today to fix it. and that's what i did. not how i expected the results to turn out. it was curls with lots of frizz and my hair was super dry. i spend about 120 bucks in total. taking care of the curls can be such a hassle. i had to spend another 30 bucks on an anti-frizz serum and sculpting lotion.. i could have bought the cheaper brands, but it wouldn't be worth it. well, i have an interview with mount alvernia at 9am tomorrow.. i hope it all works out! but if the pay is gonna be pathetic, no thanks. all the best to me!

2009-08-12T12:46:00.005+08:00

i have a family, friends and my special someone. but i feel so lonely still. i mean, WTF is wrong with me? i keep having emotional breakdowns and sometimes, it can go on for weeks. everyone around me are affected by the whole shit. F. i've officially graduated from NYP and i don't to go to TTSH again! i've got an interview at Mt Alvernia this coming monday. all the best to me! oh wait, my bro's brain surgery is on 18 august. can't wait.. but damn, its at TTSH. i guess i have to go back till he gets discharged. he has gone bold to prepare for the op!

2009-07-30T01:26:00.000+08:00

i'm trapped.

and it feels impossible to escape.

2009-07-27T00:46:00.003+08:00

I've got TWO words.

SOCCER SUCKS!

2009-07-23T00:48:00.001+08:00

some stupid guy named Valentino on my Facebook put this as his current status: "Baby, talk to me.. What is goin on, yeah? Cause lately we aint been spending time alone, Last night when I touched your hand, You didn't wanna hold, Today, no kiss goodbye... Just said that you had to go. If you're hating me baby, I just wanna know... And if you're done with me baby, I don't wanna know... And if there's a possibility, please don't leave me and go... -romeo.is.dead-" WTF! publicly advertising the status of your love affair to the whole world?! don't men these days have any pride and shame? such people make me nauseous and they can never be on my friends' list.

2009-07-21T02:47:00.000+08:00

Nokia N97. A Must Have.

2009-07-19T03:00:00.000+08:00

ok. this is my second night at work.. and i'm no longer doing the AN job. time for the SN job, which is what i studied to become anyway. my preceptor SN Khin is such biatch. the workload at night is little and simple.. but she has to make things difficult and make me feel like i'm the dumbest person alive.. she just won't stop bringing me down. everytime i try to do something, it always seems wrong to her when it usually is never wrong. no nurses have complaint anything about me but her.. and i had to get her as my preceptor out of all the 2-digit sum of nurses working in my ward. of course, there is another biatch in the ward too.. but screw her. i'm only worried about Khin cause she determines whether i pass or fail. i'm giving it my best... if she fails me, i swear i'll collapse due to a cardiac arrest and just die. i'm so not repeating, never!

there was something else i wanted to say in this entry.. but now, i've totally forgotten what it was. i didn't get to read my Linda Howard book last night.. i kinda knocked out and got up at 0630hrs. i didn't even realize i had a case coming in on a wheelchair. and you will not believe what was his diagnosis. Testicular Pain.. admitted for that? WT. haha.. after all the costly scans and ultrasounds, turned out to be nothing.. its funny to see how men get crazily obsessed over their private part even though research shows that men's so called "private possession" means nothing to most women other than a useful tool to bear children. of course, i can guess they give a little pleasure to women during sex but vibrators probably would do just as good. so to all the men who think women judge men by the size or length of their penis, keep dreaming cause they don't. Your private part is the last thing on a women's mind when she's looking for her ideal partner.

2009-07-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

omg! I'm so sleepy... there's nothing to do during night shift. I wanna sleep! tried going to all the websites that I could think of, and I'm pretty much done. oh wait, my Linda Howard book. I forgot about it. hah, time for some reading.. but I'm kinda sure I wouldn't last another 30 minutes. good luck to me..

2009-07-17T15:23:00.000+08:00

Michael Jackson - Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by..

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just..

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just..

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by..

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile..

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

2009-07-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

ok. this was so not my idea of a blogskin. flowers and green were never my thing.. but the sight of this skin absolutely calmed me down and i totally fell for it. its not my kind of perfect, but it sure is perfect. I'll be keeping this skin for quite some time, I'm sure. hmm.. here's a little june update. had plans to perm my hair... but decided to do it after PRCP. all that buning up will sure to damage my curls.. I spent my birthday at work and was pretty much crying the whole time over the fact that they just wouldn't stop bullying me. Biatches.. Can't wait to watch Harry Potter on monday and absolutely excited over the release of New Moon in november. oh yeah, MJ's death has devastated me and I'm getting so depressed just thinking of him up till now. He simply has Gone Too Soon. Bloody human, they learn to appreciate the value of anything only after its gone. F'ers.. ah damn, there goes my mood. I'm going off now.

2009-05-31T11:13:00.000+08:00

i'm temperamental and an introvert, whether you f'ed up people like it or not.

2009-05-25T21:15:00.001+08:00

OMG. I'M F'ING DEPRESSED.

2009-05-24T01:09:00.000+08:00

i used to want something really badly a year back. now i've got it and i really don't want it anymore.. im desperate to get rid of it. hope i can soon.. anyway, got in contact with my cousin renaa. she's great.. looks really good with her short hairstyle. she used to have like really long and beautiful hair, but it never suited her. she's funny at times and suprisingly, we have a lot in common.. maybe its a birthday month thing cause she's also born in june. bro is sick and going for a surgery on 3rd of june.. hope it goes well, though i don't really care about him.

2009-05-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

so what did i do today? eat, sleep, watched desperate housewives, 90210, thought of watching gossip girls, but didn't. wanted to go to the gym, but didn't. what the hell.. i've probably gained several calories during this past 2 weeks of vacation.. how depressing. maybe i should watch the biggest loser on hallmark, for motivational purpose. this month, i've gained several friends and lost several.. its all for the best i guess. my vegetarian diet is going well so far.. but i'll probably need the iron and protein that i used to gain from meat. got to consume more brocolli and soy products.. thank god TTSH has really good vegetarian food. i should really start reading the papers more often and i definitely got to buy more archie comics to add to my collection, love them.. one more thing i must buy, twilight DVD!! that's it for now.. well, good luck to me during PRCP.

2009-05-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

believe it or not, i'm officially a vegetarian.. that's something to celebrate about. i'm overjoyed about it but my mum and a few others aren't... mum claims that she can't cook separate vegetarian food for me since the rest of my family members can't live without meat. i'm not gonna be those pure vegans.. i can't live without milk and definitely not egg, cause even a simple birthday cake has eggs in them. what's life without cakes?! so that makes me a lacto-ovo-vegetarian. i've sinned for the past 20 years of my life.. now its time to make things right. being a nurse and a vegetarian are one of the few things that bring me closer to heaven.

2009-04-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

im so tired. was my first HSE (Health Service for the Elderly) posting today. sucked. i didn't even like the staff nurse that accompanied me. she was so talkative and i felt more nauseous after every word she said (or maybe its cause of the cab ride), whatever. she was on a half-day leave, so me and catherine got to go off early. i didn't eat until 1400 hours. and cause of that, i ate too much at the pasa malam at bishan. spicy chicken, ramly burger and a few other dishes, and now im broke. im also totally feeling emo today. there's so much more things i wanna say. but im way too exhausted to even type.

2009-04-19T01:46:00.000+08:00

my patient died yesterday evening. tried to resuscitate him for almost 2 hours. didn't make it. im still shocked that he's dead. but he died so peacefully, excluding the resus part.. omg. im still surprised he's dead.. he was supposed to be discharged today. he loves to smile. and he used to always tell me to learn malay so that i could communicate better with him. haha.. damn. did the last office after my break (resus was before break, thank god i didn't lose my appetite). wrapping him up for the mortuary was quite the experience cause i always felt like touching a cold and dead body was facinating. thank you for everything Mr Salleh. may you rest in peace.

2009-04-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

unlike my private blog (http://rubenna-uncut.blogspot.com), which is much older, this blog is open to public. so what i write here won't be all that hard to share. still looking for a skin and will update as often as i can. bye for now.