I realised one thing today. Regardless how much I refrain myself from having feelings for someone, if it's bound to happen, it'll happen and there's nothing you can do about it.

Just wrote like a really long post on my private blog about a childhood jackass. Hmm.. Men are just annoying man seriously. Anyway, Happy Birthday to Ganesh..!

Bloggy, I am so stressed out.. I can't seem to concentrate on my assignments. There are so many! I don't even know where to start. I don't seem to have time for both school and work. God, I know you love me and will guide me.. I wanna do my honours (if possible, first class).. I love you too.

Dear Blog,
Do not think that I have neglected you over the past year.
I love you and I need you in my life.
I will try to update you more often.
I am sorry.
Love, Rubenna.

Haha.. Ages since my last post. Got lazy blogging as usual. Just like what happened to my previous blog, the one that I created after my O'levels. Gone. Anyway, some updates. Got myself an Apple notebook, a Macbook Pro 13". Loving it. Got myself some replica Louis Vuitton Damier Azurs. An Eva Clutch, a Neverfull MM, a Key-pouch and a Sarah Wallet. Got 2 new pairs of Pierre Cardin push-up lingerie and an exquisite set of Russian diamond ring, ear studs and pendant from Heart to Heart Jewelry. Also got myself a really expensive dress. But its beautiful.. Unfortunately, now I'm trying to figure where can I wear it to since it doesn't really fit in any hangout category. I'm kinda frustrated over the fact that I overspent my salary today. The truth is, I just got my pay today and already spent three quarter of it. And I was supposed to buy tops and stationary for school. And no, I didn't spend a cent on what I needed most. I've got to totally get rid of this addiction. Someone has to stop me. God has to stop me.. He's the only one who can. I'm afraid I might go out of control. Its freaking me out. DAMN...

Ok. I'm using my Blackberry for this post.. Yeah, I guess its been a long time since my last entry. Well, I posted one on May 15 which I had to delete thanks to Ganesh.. Nevermind. Damn, blogging on my Blackberry ain't easy. I don't understand why people have to be so F.. Ok, I'm kinda frustrated right now and I wanna sleep.

don't you hate it when you wait for so long and this happens? lol.

its been so long since i've made a blog entry. have my reasons though.. things have changed. now i'm totally immersed in the world of nursing (and something else) that i don't have time for anything else. anyway, i had my chicken pox and hepatitis B vaccine today. one on each arm. it still hurts.. i don't mind injecting others but i hate receiving one myself. it sucks..

there's nothing wrong in converting to a different religion if you truly have faith in it. but converting to a different religion for love or marriage is more than just stupidity..

you know.. i try not to blog about the screwed up side of my life too much. but people wanna read about it. so here it is:

`i lost a really great guy because of my fickle mind..
`its been two months and i haven't gotten my attachment allowance..
`i'm starting work on monday and i'm suffering from a nervous breakdown..
`my bro is still smoking regardless of the risk that he may have to go for another brain surgery not too far from now..
`my father is crazy and i want him out of my life asap..
`a bunch of strange guys who don't even know me say i've got an attitude problem..
`my mum is getting old and its really freaking me out..
`my family doesn't look like its having an financial problems, but they ain't that far from having one either..
`i want to do my degree asap, but i guess i don't have a choice but to wait till next year..
`i'm desperate to find more truths about god..
`and lastly, i have no idea what exactly do i want in life..

i'm sure there's more, but this is all i can recall for now. lol.

hmm.. i baked macaroni and cheese for the very first time today. it was a disaster. lol.. ok not really. i just added a little more margarine than supposed to.. the point is, macaroni and cheese sucks!! i don't get how is that dish so popular in america. the taste is so bland.. it was only worth eating with chili sauce.. so if you ever wanna try macaroni and cheese, always have chili sauce on standby!

well, i was researching about the 'aurora borealis' also know as the 'northern polar lights' and the 'aurora australis' also known as the 'southern polar lights'. the 'aurora borealis' can be found in the arctic islands of northern Canada and the 'aurora australis' can be found in the continents such as Antarctica, South America and Australasia. the formation of these auroras are complex involving the ionosphere and the magnetism of the poles.. still don't know what on earth im talking about? check out the beautiful and astonishing photos below.

Aurora Borealis

Aurora Australis

i dream of seeing one myself. and i will, some day..